Stay
by OddShot505
Summary: When Greg is diagnosed with a terrible sickness, Jasper must go through the process of seeing him get worse and eventually die. She must figure out how she's going to deal with him being gone.
1. Chapter 1

Never, in my entire existence, would I have ever seen myself being in the state that I was in. Yet, in that same regard, I never would have expected to have to, not just see, but go through all of those events.

For a long time I just lied in the back of that van, thinking of all the things that I could have done, all the things I should have done. It doesn't do any good, because it's already over. He's gone, and there is no way to bring him back.

I'm not new to loss. I've seen it happen all the time in battle. A quick poof of smoke, a cracking sound resonating across the battle field, the jagged feeling of shards in your hand. It's happened so many times that I thought I had become numb to it.

I can still remember when Greg told me that humans don't live forever. How that many of them were lucky just to hit 100 years. I was a little shocked when I heard this, but it wasn't like I hadn't lost friends before.

I thought I would have time to prepare, like before going to battle. You know in the back of your mind that there's always a chance something could go wrong. That someone isn't going to make it back. It's still a tragedy when it happens, but you're ready for it… But I was not ready for what happened. I never knew how much different it was for humans. How sudden but, at the same time, slow it could be.

It had been quite a few years after our conversation on how long humans had when it happened.

He came back late one night, strangely quiet. When he opened the back door, I was about to ask where he'd been, and maybe give him a bit of teasing, but the look on his face kept me from doing it.

It was just a wide eyed stare. Almost like he saw something unbelievable in the distance. I don't know if he knew he was doing it, because when I called his name, he immediately lost the look. As he crawled into the back of the van, I noticed that he had a piece of paper in his hand that he was attempting to hide. When I asked him what it was, he told me that it was nothing to worry about, trying his best to sound like his usual upbeat self.

I should have asked, I should have pressed harder than that. I should have made him tell me what was wrong. It wasn't like me to pry into his personal business, but I knew I should have.

After tucking the paper away, he laid himself down beside me like he always did. He just starred at the ceiling for a good while. Looking back, he probably had more than enough on his mind. I can still remember him rolling on to his side, and gently wrapping his arm around me.

Under ordinary circumstances, I might have messed with him for a few minutes before giving in, but after seeing that look on his face, I decided against it and simply returned the gesture.

The next morning, I awoke to find that he was already up. Checking the time, I found it to be pretty early for the car wash to be opening. As he was getting dressed, I asked what he was doing. He simply told me that he had to go out and get some 'paper work' done.

I didn't question it at the time. I didn't know anything about how humans ran business, so figured it must have been important. It turned out it was more important than I thought.

He was gone for a few hours that day, and when he came back, he looked exhausted. Almost like he hadn't slept in days. I found it incredibly strange, considering he'd had a pretty restful nights sleep. When I asked him, he insisted that he was fine, just worn out from what he was doing. The rest of the day, he kept acting like everything was fine, so I didn't question it further.

I was such an idiot.

As the days went by, I started to notice more and more things changing. Every few days, he said he would have to go off to do 'paper work', and when he came back he always looked awful. He would start bruising from the most minor taps he got. Sometimes he would get dizzy for seemingly no reason.

The final straw came one early morning. I wasn't fully awake yet, but I heard him making noises. I felt him bolt from the bed, desperate to get outside. I sat up quickly, watching him run to the edge of the street with his hand over his mouth. I got up, following quickly behind, watching him bend over by a storm drain.

I knelt by him, letting him do his business until it was all out. Once he was finished, he looked over at me with a pathetic smile, as if trying to assure me that he was fine. I'd had enough at that point. I sat him down on the curb, stood directly in front of him, and demanded that he tell me what was going on.

I still remember the look he gave me. His eyes grew big, his mouth frowned slightly, and tears began forming in the corns of his eyes. I felt bad for getting mad at him, but I don't think he would have told me if I hadn't made him.

Rather than giving me an answer, he told me to go with him to where it was he actually went when he did his 'paper work'. I remember us arriving at big building, walking down that sterile white hall, sitting in front of that strange man in a white coat, and the very long explanation.

There was a lot said about what was going on, but only a few words stuck with me. Words like: 'vicious disease', 'terrible effects on the body', but the most important ones were 'We're going to do all we can'.

I don't know why, but the way he said that last one really stuck with me. It was like he had no hope in his voice what so ever. As if he didn't believe there was a way to beat that… thing that was in Greg.

It was a silent ride back to the car wash. He only ever briefly looked over to me, trying to gauge the emotion I was portraying.

The instant we got back, I began my barrage of questioning. Had he told anyone else? How long did he know? Why didn't he tell me?

It turned out that he hadn't told anyone except me. He had been trying to keep it secret because he didn't want me or anyone else to worry. He only found out a while back, because he had been avoiding going to the hospital out of fear of not being able to pay for it before he was given that check.

What got to me the most was the look on his face as he told me. He looked so hopeless, devoid of any kind of emotion. Like he was giving up.

I wasn't going to allow it.

That same night, we went to see the gems and Steven. Even after as long as it had been, we still weren't exactly friendly with each other. They only changed their tone when Greg told them he needed to tell them all something important.

Rather than actually saying it, Greg simply gave Steven the piece of paper that he brought back with him that first night. As Steven read through it, I watched his face slowly shift from cautious curiosity, to that of overwhelming fear and sadness. I could hardly look at him, fearing that I might fall victim to the same thing.

Without saying anything, Steven quickly embraced Greg, and began sobbing uncontrollably. Confused by this, the Gems picked up the paper he dropped. As they read it, I saw all of their faces twist into something similar to that of Stevens.

Pearl looked at me, her mouth trying to form words, but nothing came except for a few strange noises. Garnet starred onward, he mouth slightly open, as if trying to think of something, anything to say. Amethyst just stood there, looking shocked, nearly on the verge of tears.

Before any of us could come up with something to say, Steven interjected.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?!" he demanded, much the same way I did.

I don't know why but, for some reason, Steven's outburst caused the gems to question him as well. They began going on a spree of questions. Some of them, like if he actually cared about what happened, were down right wrong. At that point, I was beyond angry at them.

I started shouting at the three of them. I called them out one at a time, questioning why they were berating him when they didn't even care about him to begin with. I was so upset with what they did, I was almost in tears… almost.

After my out burst, I did the only thing that felt right. I embraced Steven and Greg as the two of them sobbed into each others arms. I wanted to let Greg know that, no what happened, I was going to support him. It didn't matter what happened, I was going to be right there beside him.

I don't remember how much time passed after that night. It somehow felt like forever and a split second all at once. All I do remember was so much happening.

Steven and Peridot came up with the idea that maybe Steven's healing power might be able to do something. I'll admit, I had hope that it might actually work. So many times Steven tried, so many times Peridot worked to try and find a different way to make it effective. It wasn't as bad as the treatment he was being given, but I don't know if it actually did anything.

I'm guessing that what I said to the gems that night really got to them, because all of them started helping out. They took up work that none of them would have previously thought themselves doing, just to help him in any way that they could. Lapis even found herself at the car wash to help Greg out. It really surprised me.

The entire time this was happening, I was there making sure he had everything he needed.

I would help with managing the car wash, learning how everything worked. I would go with him every time he got his treatment. I would make sure he was taking his medicine at the right time, in case he forgot.

For a while, all of us thought it was going to work. We all thought that if we just kept working hard to make sure he had what he needed, everything would turn out alright. If we just kept our spirits high, and continue with making sure he was taken care of, everything would be fine.

I look back and I wonder why I let myself be so foolish.

It got to the point where he was going in more frequently. Then it got to where he was going in every day… and eventually… it got to the point where he wasn't able to leave the hospital.

The entire time this happened, I watched him.

I watched as he slowly started to break down in every way. I watched as he wasn't able to eat anything without it coming back up. I watched as his hair became thinner and thinner. I watched as the man I once knew turned into something I could barley recognize.

Yet I kept hoping. I kept learning everything that would be needed to keep him going. Everything from how to talk to people when running a business, to how a heart monitor worked. I don't know what it was, but I just kept going. I just kept trying… for him.

It didn't matter what kind of day it was, be it slow or heavy, I always made sure to make time for him. It wasn't only me though. Steven always found a way to make time… and even the Gems as well.

It would be a little awkward when we were all there at the same time. I was fine with Steven being there. As for the Gems… well, we were on speaking terms, but not much else had changed. I really think Greg was the only thing that kept us from being at each others throats, as humans like to say.

One day, after I had closed the car wash down, I went to visit him in the hospital. We were doing our usual routine of watching TV and coming up with new songs on his guitar. A short time after that, his doctor came in, and said some of the most horrifying words I'd heard in my entire existence.

 _"_ _I'm sorry… but there's nothing else we can do."_

He'd said more than that, but those words were the only ones that mattered to me. They sent my mind reeling. I looked to Greg, only to see his face go pale he was so scared. He asked the doctor how long he had. It didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was that his time was short. Far shorter than any of us thought.

What followed after that were the absolute hardest days to get through.

Steven and Connie came in shortly after that, and Greg was so terrified to have to tell them the truth. I offered to say it for him, but he refused, saying it was his responsibility. That look of crushing defeat on both of their faces as Greg told them still haunts me to this day.

Steven immediately embraced his father, and Connie followed his example only a second after. The entire time it happened, I stood there trying to keep myself composed. Trying to keep a strong face. Trying to be brave in that horrible moment.

So many people came into his room those next few days. The Gems, everyone in Beach City, Peridot, Lapis, and even Marty came back in an attempt to reconcile with Greg. That was a rather colorful exchange of words. It was the only time that I had ever heard Greg use profanity.

I don't think I left the hospital once after the news was delivered. I guess I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. I wanted to make sure that he had everything that he would need. Even if it was the most basic thing, like some water, I made sure he had it.

I'm willing to wager that if the old me saw how I was acting, she would have been absolutely appalled. I mean, really? Me, looking after a human? Yet, there I was… and I had absolutely no problem with it at all.

I didn't know why at the time, but I just wanted to be with him as much as possible. This was even before he got sick. When I was first starting out, I didn't want to be around any of the gems, I wasn't on speaking terms with any of my former crew, and I could only talk to Steven so much.

Greg was… different. Different in the right way though. He knew what I did, sure, but he didn't hold it over my head at all. _'Forgive and forget'_ were the words he used. _'We all make mistakes, and we can change if we really want to. That's the beauty of being a person.'_ He always had a way of saying things so that I would understand. He took things at my pace, which at the time was very slow.

He had an understanding nature, a non-judging personality. I could see why Rose chose to stay with him. He really was one of a kind.

Then that day came.

It was very late. Steven, Connie, and The Gems were on their way out. I was making sure everything was set up for him, so he didn't have to worry about getting up at all that night. He was about to fall asleep, when he suddenly broke out into a coughing fit. I had seen him do this before, and it usually ended pretty quick. Not that time. It lasted for over a minute.

I was about to call for a doctor, but he grabbed my arm, keeping me at his side. It's not like I couldn't have gotten out of his grip. He'd gotten so weak that he could barely make a fist. It was the look he gave me that kept me rooted.

Once he was done coughing, he pulled me close. I got down onto my knees to make myself leveled with his face. He smiled at me, and gently stroked my hand with his thumb, as if trying to comfort me. I can still hear our last conversation echoing in my head.

 _"_ _It's time for me to go, Jasper." Greg said._

 _"_ _What?" I said in a hushed tone, "No… No Greg, you still have time left. I know you can hold on."_

 _"_ _Maybe I could," he said, taking a deep breath, "But it's not right to have to watch all of you guys be tortured by me."_

 _"_ _What are you talking about?" I questioned, slightly taken aback, "You're not torturing anyone. You're the one being tortured by this insufferable disease."_

 _"_ _It's a figure of speech Jasper." He chuckled, "For humans, death is a certainty. I just got unlucky with how I had to go. But, you wanna know something that I've realized?"_

 _"_ _What?" I asked._

 _"_ _I've had a good life." he said, a peaceful look on his face. "It wasn't the easiest, but I would say it was one that was worth living. Through it all, I'd say the good times definitely out way the bad. I've seen and done so much. Some might say I don't have much to show for it, but I don't need a lot. I had Rose, I have Steven… and I have you. Even if you arrived late in my life, you were undoubtedly one of the best things to ever come into it."_

My eyes began welling up with tears. I could tell by the look on his face and the tone of his voice that he was being one hundred percent honest. No one had ever said anything like that to me before. It stirred up something inside of me, something I didn't like.

At that moment I had completely lost any composure I had left and started to tear up. I stayed there on my knees, and did something I never, in all of my life, thought I would ever do.

I begged, I pleaded, I asked every form of higher existence that I knew about to give him more time. To have them some how will away this terrible disease, to just let this all be some horrible dream… But nothing came. There was nothing I could do to save him.

I felt Greg gently squeeze my hand, and I looked up to still see him smiling. That's when I heard him say… well, the last thing he would ever say.

 _"_ _I know it's going to be difficult… I know there are times when you'll think it's not worth it to keep trying, but I want you to keep going. You have only made my life better by being in it. Now it's time for you to start a new chapter, just like we did together. It's because of you, and Steven, that I have been able to look back, and say that everything was worthwhile. Thank you for making my life so much better… now make sure that yours is just as good."_

With one last breath, his monitor finally went flat, and his hand went limp. He was gone… and a big piece of me went with him.

Everything seemed to be in a blur after that night. I recalled a lot of events, but I don't remember what I did. I know Steven came bolting into the room only a short while later. I know that there were papers that needed signing. I know that there was some sort of strange custom where he was lowered into the ground.

Through that entire time, my body was acting entirely on it's own. Simply doing things because other were telling me to. My emotions, and my mind however, were completely disconnected. Not able to go farther then the inside of my head.

It had been that way for a while. There were a lot of things Greg left behind, and he left a good number of things to me. Including the van.

I hadn't left there in a long time.

I simply lied there, hugging his pillow to my chest, feeling like it was too open in there. I looked around at all of the things still there, my cloudy eyes making it difficult to make them out.

My eyes drifted over to the one picture of us. It was one of the times me and him were alone out on a trip. It was just out to go do something called 'camping'. I didn't understand it at first, but it turned out to be pretty fun. It was just us, sitting out there, talking next to a fire. Sometimes we'd go for a swim, or walk around in the woods. It was nothing special, but was one of the best times I had. Not just with him, but really just over all.

It was one of the few times I allowed myself to smile without shame.

I wanted to pick the picture up, but I couldn't. I knew it would just bring back all those thoughts of seeing him wither away. All those horrible feelings I didn't want to remember. I just wanted all the hurt to stop. To go away, and leave me the way I was before all this insanity happened.

Why couldn't I get over it? Why was he still in my mind after he was gone? What was different about him that made his death linger, unlike every other gem I've seen get shattered?

I wasn't able to ponder any further, because there was a knock at the back of the van.

"Jasper?" I heard a low, familiar voice say, "Are you in there? It's Steven, I wanted to talk to you."


	2. Chapter 2

"I don't wanna talk." I told him bluntly.

"Jasper," I heard him call back, "When was the last time you came out of there?"

"Like you actually care." I said in a callus tone.

"Jasper, don't do this." he said, his tone becoming firm, "You know I care about you. I just want to make sure you're alright. I want to help you."

"If you actually want to help me, than go away." I said, my voice getting ever more bitter, "There's nothing to discuss. He's gone, and that's that."

I heard a loud sigh from outside, followed shortly by heavy foot steps. Truth be told, I really didn't want to even look at Steven. He'd changed so much in that period of time. Long gone was that chubby little kid that I first met all those years ago. In his place was a full grown man… one that looked very familiar.

While my not wanting to talk to anyone was the majority of the reason I didn't open up, the other part was because he now looked too much like Greg. I knew I couldn't look at him without more of the pain resurfacing.

It was a few hours later when I heard another knock at the back of the van.

"What?" I answered irritably.

"J-Jasper," I heard an uneasy voice say, "It's Peridot… Look, you've been in that van for a really long time now. I can't imagine what you're going through, but-."

"Yeah," I answered dryly, "You can't."

"Listen," she said after a long pause, "I've known you the longest out of everyone. I'll admit I'm not an expert, but I'm willing to listen to you. I don't even have to say anything if you don't want me to. I could just let you-"

"What could you possibly know that no else does?" I said, cutting her off, "Just because you watch that stupid show doesn't mean you know anything about what happened. Just because we were on the same ship doesn't mean you know who I am! Now get lost!"

There was no response that time. A few seconds later I heard soft footsteps slowly getting quieter. Maybe what I said was a bit harsh, but I really didn't care. I just wanted her to leave. Why couldn't anyone get it through their heads that I just wanted to be alone?

The sun was starting to get low in the sky when I heard a third knock at the door. Well, it was less knocking, and more violent slamming.

"Jasper!" I heard Amethyst shout.

"I'm gonna tell you the same thing that I've told everyone else." I answered, trying to keep my voice leveled, "I don't wanna talk, I don't want your company, and I don't want any of you checking up on me. I just wanna be left alone. So, why don't we save ourselves some time? You go tell everyone that, and then don't come back here. Any of you."

I don't think I could have made that any more clear. I thought for sure that might actually get her and everyone else to get off my back. I was wrong.

"Oh I get it." she said, her voice becoming accusing, "You're a coward."

The instant I heard that, my eyes went wide with anger. I sat up and looked to the back door.

"What did you say to me?" I said, my tone a mixture of disbelief and rage.

"You heard me," she retorted, "You're nothing but a coward. Sitting in the back of that van, hiding from everything."

I started gritting my teeth, getting angrier with every word she said. I shuffled forward, opening the back of the van to see her still standing there. She had her arms folded across her chest, and she was giving me a sour look.

"You are making a big mistake right now." I warned her, "Unless you want to be part of the pavement, I suggest you turn around and walk away."

"Oh really?" she questioned, "because if this is any indication of how you handle things, I really don't have anything to worry about."

"You're asking for trouble you overcooked little runt." I fumed, "This is the last time I'm going to warn you. Now get out of my face!"

"You're no soldier." she went on, as if ignoring me, "You're just a hot headed train wreck. What did Greg ever see in you?"

Upon hearing her last words, I lost it. After summoning my crash helmet, I got into a spin dash, poised to hit her full force. I rocketed out of the van, hitting the place she was standing. Unfortunately, she moved out of the way, making me leave a sizable dent in the asphalt.

I stood up, looking around to see which way she might have gone. I quickly found her bolting in another direction. As if she was running away from me. I wasn't about to let her get away.

"GET BACK HERE AND FIGHT LIKE A QUARTZ!" I yelled as I sprinted after her.

I chased her for a good while, fully intent on making her pay for her words. Eventually we found ourselves on the beach. Doing another spin dash, I managed to knock her off her feet, making her land face first into the sand.

I walked up behind her, picking her up by her shirt so that she was eye level with me. I looked at her, and the look she gave me back was… sad. As in, truly honestly sad. I didn't pay much attention to it at the time, as I was more interested in driving her face into the back of her head.

"I'm gonna make you regret everything you've ever done." I told her, rearing my fist back.

"I'm sorry Jasper." she said in a remorseful voice, "I didn't mean anything I said. This was the only thing we could think to do."

Needless to say, she left me very confused. Before I could ask her what she meant, I felt something grab my arm. I looked to see what it was (dropping Amethyst in the process), only to see a water arm coming from the ocean, gripping me tight. Not again.

I pulled against the water limb, struggling to get loose. Soon after, the water formed an entire bubble around me. Aside from my head, I was completely trapped. I continued to struggle, thinking that I could get free some how.

"I'm sorry." I heard a different voice say, "I know we haven't always gotten along the best, but we refuse to let this continue any further."

I looked to see who it was, finding out that it was Lapis. I kinda figured she was close by, all things considered. Although, I didn't expect Peridot to be with her. Both of them were just giving me the same sad look that Amethyst was.

"If you don't let me out of this **now** ," I threatened, "I will make sure that-"

"That is enough Jasper!" I heard someone else say.

I looked to where the voice came from, seeing Pearl and Garnet walking up. While Pearls words sounded angry, her face betrayed her tone. She, like Amethyst, was wearing a miserable face. As for Garnet… I don't know if I'm ever going to figure her out.

"What is going on!?" I demanded, both confused and angry.

"I'm really sorry Jasper." Amethyst said with a shaky voice, " We didn't know what else to do."

"You kept shutting everything out." Peridot said, "We needed to do something."

"I know this seems cruel," Lapis said, "but this for your own good."

"You can't keep living your life like that, Jasper." Pearl said, "Do you honestly think that he would want you to-"

"Shut up!" I shouted, cutting Pearl off, "All of you, just shut up! I am so sick of hearing your never ending dribble. Why can't you all just leave me alone? Why can't you all just get it through your thick heads that I don't want to be around you? Why are you-"

"I have heard enough of this!" Garnet shouted, trying to sound as angry as me. She walked right up to me and removed her shades so that she was looking me right in the eye.

"Now I don't care what it is you have to do." Garnet said, lowering her voice, "Scream, cry, or just tell the entire cosmos that it is cruel, but we are not letting you do this to yourself any more. You know this isn't the right thing to do. You know this is not what-"

"What do you know?" I questioned her, "You have no idea what it's like. You always have someone. You never have to worry about facing things like this. Don't tell me about something you've never been through."

The perma-fusion took a step back, slightly surprised by what I said. Now that I look back at it, it was a really clever tactic.

"Jasper," Pearl said, approaching me, "It's clear that you're greatly effected by this. It's okay to be upset. We all miss him dearly."

"It's too bad I'm so angry right now," I said, "because that really would have made me laugh. You all miss him? From what I heard, Pearl, I would think you were glad that he's gone."

That shocked look on everyone's face when I said that was mildly surprising. I didn't expect anyone except Pearl to react to that.

"Yeah, he told me everything." I continued, "How you were belittling him when he first met Rose, how you tried to push him away because you were so jealous, how you called him a bad father. What are the worst things hes ever did? He loved someone, honest and truly. He lied about an injury because he wanted to be close to his son. He tried his absolute hardest to make a life for himself and grow up all at once, because he wanted to prove that he could be responsible."

The entire time I was going on, everyone just stared at me, unblinking.

"And even after all that," I went on, "After loosing the one that mattered the most to him… all he wanted was your approval so that he could continue to be with his son. Yeah, you really cared about him."

I looked around, noticing all of their shocked faces. I still wonder if they expected me to have that much knowledge of his past.

"Jasper…" Lapis began to say, before I cut in once again.

"And you two," I said, directing my attention to Lapis and Peridot, "He lets you stay on his property, and you don't even so much as thank him? How you can you presume to tell me how to feel when you barley cared that he existed?"

A long moment of silence passed over them. I saw hurt expressions across all of their faces. It was only then that I realized that I was starting to tear up. Maybe it was just because I couldn't move, but I didn't try to stop them from coming.

"You're right." I heard Amethyst say, "There were more than enough times when we treated him unfairly. You knew him better than any of us. You have every right to be mad at us for that."

"So than why are you doing this?" I asked, loosing my patience, "Why do you insist on on bothering me when you know you won't get it? Why do you keep trying to talk to me when you know you were in the wrong? Why are you doing this when don't understand?"

"Because they want to understand." I heard a completely different voice say.

I looked to see who it was, seeing Connie walking up. She had changed quite a bit after all this time. No longer a little girl attempting to prove herself to people, but now a respectable woman and fighter.

"Because we all want to understand." she continued, "Because we can't stand seeing you like this. We want to help you, we want to make sure that this pain doesn't consume you. You think no one else will get it, and maybe none of _us_ do… but there is someone who knew Greg just as much, if not more than you."

Before I could question what she meant, I saw someone come up behind her. As soon as I figured it out who it was, I immediately squeezed my eyes shut. I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want to be reminded of everything all over again. I heard him getting closer, but I kept my eyes shut. The footsteps stopped, and then I felt a pair of hands touch my face.

"Look at me." he said in a gentle voice, but I didn't, "Jasper, the entire time that you've been here, I have only ever asked one thing from you; Your trust. So I'm asking you, please trust me. Please look at me."

So much of my mind was screaming at me not to do it but, after hearing him invoke the only thing he ever asked from me, I just had to. I opened my eyes slowly, still somewhat resisting. When I finally forced them all the way open, I saw him giving he a sad look.

Time had really changed Steven. His features had matured so much in those years. In some aspects he looked like his mother but, in so many other aspects, he looked like Greg. With that and the look he was giving me, all of those terrible feelings came flooding back to my mind. I didn't even try to stop the tears from flowing.

"I know you miss him." Steven said, trying to keep himself steady, "I miss him too. I know you're being hard on yourself because you think there was something you could have done to stop this. I know that you feel like a huge piece of you is missing without him. I understand because I feel the exact same way."

I felt a huge wave of guilt wash over me when he said that. I had been so concerned with trying to keep people away that I didn't realize I wasn't the only one that lost him. I was so selfish that I forgot that there was someone who had more reason to miss him than me. This only made more tears come.

"I'm sorry," I choked out, not caring about who saw or heard, "I don't know what to do."

"I know you think you're alone," he continued, "but that's not true. I'm still here and so are the rest of us. I know you think they won't understand. That's why you have to tell us. Tell us so that we can understand. Tell us so we can at least try to help. What is it that makes this feel so different to you?"

He moved his hands from my face, not even bothering wiping the tears away. For a while I just tried to bite back the emotional overload, but I knew it was useless. I looked around, noticing that everyone was waiting patiently for me to give a response.

"You wanna know?" I asked them all, to which they all nodded, "You want to know why this is so different? You want to know why he left such an impact, why there's a big hole in my heart, why I haven't been able to get on with my life without him?"

I took a short pause, trying to make sure that the lump in my throat didn't keep me from talking. I don't know how anyone was reacting, because my eyes were so full of tears.

"You want to know why he was the best out of all of us?" I went on, "Why he was stronger than any of us, why he was strong in the way that mattered most? Because, after everything that has happened, after all the times you doubted him, that I doubted him, that I was difficult with him, after all the times he had to put up with things that would break most… he… he… he stayed"

At that point, all of my pride, my strength, and all of my resolve was gone. I felt the water prison around me collapse and I hit the ground on my knees, letting my head hang pathetically. I was broken, sobbing hysterically, unable to feel anything except the pain.

"I loved you Greg." I said, saying my thoughts out loud, "You tried so hard and didn't ask for anything in return. You kept trying no matter how difficult I was. I didn't deserve you."

As I sat there on my knees, letting my emotions spill out in front of everyone, I felt someone embrace me. I didn't bother looking to see who it was, I could tell it was Steven. Less than a few seconds after, I felt another set of arms around me. I felt more start joining, I was pretty sure everyone one was there around me.

"I know it hurts," I heard Pearl say through several sniffles, "and it's not really going to stop hurting. It changes though. Not now, but it will over time."

"You shouldn't have to do this by yourself," Amethyst said through a few hiccups, "I know we haven't always gotten along the best, but no deserves to go through something like this alone."

"I'm sorry we had to do this to you, " Peridot said, her voice shaky, "but you needed to get this out. We didn't want you wasting away in your own misery."

They all took turns saying something to me. I didn't give them any form of response other than my sobs. I didn't really know what to say at that time. It's not that I wasn't thankful… I just didn't know what I could possibly say to tell them thank you. Not just for supporting me, but for making me realize that what I was doing was wrong.

A lot has changed since that day. I've since reconciled with the Gems and they even had me move in with them, though I still keep the van close by. We've all gone through everything that was left behind, making sure that all things found a proper place. Steven is now running the car wash, and he and Connie are about to bring a new life into this world.

I realized some time after that day that I was being selfish. Not just to Steven, but to Greg's final words as well. He wanted me to be happy and I wasn't letting myself. Some of them say he would understand, but I still can't help think that he might have been a little disappointed in me. Still, I know it took him a long time to get over Rose.

These days, I'm trying to take everything in stride. It's still difficult to go on without him, and I still cry sometimes. The difference now is that I don't have to worry about facing it alone. Someone is always there, taking time out of their life to make sure I'm okay. I sometimes feel like I'm being a burden to them, even after they reassure me.

It's funny, I look back at all of the things that I did before I got to earth, and I sometimes can't believe how much things have changed. I used to be a ruthless leader of the home world army, unstoppable to any who faced me. I received many awards, many accolades, and many thanks for the things I did back then.

Yet, now, I would give all of that up… If it meant I could just have one more day… sharing a box of donuts… with my Greg.


End file.
